what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
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