my sisters under your porch take her home
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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