Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize