you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
