Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
