PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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