I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Randomize
