i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
