She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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