So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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