the new term for farting is butt boxing.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
