My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
The uberlube is also flammable
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
Randomize
