You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
