do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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