I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
