I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
