he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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