So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
