we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Randomize
