tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Randomize
