i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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