Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
