Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
