someone get that fucking seahorse.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize