I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
