So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
