just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
