In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
