Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
