he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So much rum. So many feels.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
