so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Randomize
