Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
