they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
this just has baby written all over it
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Randomize
