I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
