i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
