Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
