My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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