I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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