What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
