ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
