I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
