cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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