talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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