i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
