it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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