I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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