the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
You've changed since you got that strap on
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
