this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
