Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
