Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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