and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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