I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Randomize
