it wasn't lemon gatorade
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I just found puke in my bra..
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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