The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
