Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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