my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
