I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I need to align my fucking chakras
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
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