I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize