if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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