and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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