Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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