Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
