Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
