All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
