I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
