I hate your face
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
