i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
