How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Randomize
