You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
You made out with two different species that night
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
