i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
