so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
