can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
