Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Randomize
