I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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