if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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