It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
My vagina just clenched in fear
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