The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
