so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
