my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
