Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
