Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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